The Wit Of Fred Thompson (Major List)


Nancy Pelosi will be speaking at a George Soros-funded conference on media whose goal is to “change the world”.

Nancy’s a good choice. She certainly managed to change who controls Congress.

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With a government shutdown looming, Democrat Congresswoman Corrine Brown invited her fellow lawmakers to go on a shopping trip.

Never thought I’d see this. These Democrats are getting so desperate, they’re spending they’re own money.

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A Harvard University professor studying Congressional press releases determined that Congress members spend 27% of their time taunting one another.

That’s why I left the Senate. I wanted to do it full time.

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An Obama administration official warned that if the government shuts down, it may cancel the National Cherry Blossom Parade in DC.

Yeah, because who would want a balanced budget when you can have a parade instead?

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The Department of Health and Human Services has taken one 6-page section of the Obamacare law and turned it into 429 pages of regulations.

Wow. I haven’t seen a return on investment like that since Hillary played with cattle futures.

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A new study done using samples of traffic pollution in southern California shows it may cause brain damage.

Well, that explains Hollywood. What’s up with DC?

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A public school in Seattle wouldn’t let Easter Eggs be handed out unless they were called “Spring Spheres”.

That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows the correct term is “Equinox Ellipsoids”.

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During an interview on MSNBC, when Democrat Senator Max Baucus was asked how he’d reform Medicare, he offered no specifics, but said he’d “make it a lot better”.

Sorry, I can’t support anything less than making Medicare “super duper awesome”.

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When an audience member told the President that he couldn’t afford to fill up his gas tank, Obama replied, “you might want to think about a trade-in”.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new GOP 2012 campaign slogan.

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The Navy was able to successfully set a small boat on fire during the first at-sea test of its new laser weapon.

I think it needs more testing. Also, I’ve heard the Somali pirates have a lot of small boats.

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House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said Republicans should “take back their party so that it doesn’t matter so much who wins elections”.

Nah. I’d rather win elections so it doesn’t matter so much if we take back our party.

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This entry was posted in Current Issues, Fred Thompson, Satire and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The Wit Of Fred Thompson (Major List)

  1. Ahahaha @ #3 and #7 😛

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